I
suffer from the proverbial foot it mouth disease. I cannot recount how many
times I have intentionally or unintentionally caused conflict based on what I
did or didn't say to someone. It is because of this habit of eating my own feet
that I have gained a lot of experience with regards to the benefits of working
through relational tension.
This
is a fact: Every human relationship
will experience conflict, strain and stress over time. How we choose to handle these moments of
conflict will determine whether or not a connection is strengthened or severed.
Here are two ideas on how you can grow through relational tension.
1. Humility. There is nothing quite like a reminder
that you're not perfect to help foster humility in one's character. Learning to
apologize, accept responsibility for your actions, and the consequences
associated with disappointment and pain provide the best catalyst for character
growth and development. It's in times of tension where your true character is
revealed. Attempting to deflect or mask responsibility in conflict does nothing
but harm any sort of future relational bond that may be built. Relationships
that stand the test of time are built on honesty, respect, forgiveness and
unconditional love.
The
next time you find yourself dealing with relational tensions ask yourself this
question: "What do I need to learn from this situation?" instead of
giving into the temptation to distance yourself from this learning opportunity.
2. Fox-hole syndrome. My first role in ministry was in a church
that faced a lot of different kinds of conflict. Learning to navigate through
the seasons of great tension, strain and hurt helped me to understand that
conflict can act as a communal catalyst for strengthening relational
bonds.
One
of my favorite mini-series is Band of Brothers. The
10 part series tells the story of a division of soldiers as they walk through
the Second World War. As the television series continues to unfold, we discover
that the bond between these men is enhanced by shared conflict.
There
are times when we may be invited to dig a figurative foxhole alongside of
others in opposition to conflict. Instead of viewing these seasons of strain as
hindrances to future development, discover the richness of the opportunity to
create relational growth that conflict can bring. It's true that unresolved
conflict does severe a relational connection, but when you are mature enough to
fight through the conflict, the relationship you long for will grow.
The
next time you find yourself suffering from indigestion due to your attempts of
eating your own feet, remember that relational conflict is unavoidable and it
may just be an invitation to deepen the connection that you have with another
person.
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