Waiting when it hurts

I've been taking a hiatus from writing as of late. There is so much content available for the browser courtesy of Google & the inter-webs that I sometimes forget that what I do end up writing may only be meant for one person who's in a tough space and may be in search of something that inspires them towards hope.

So, for anyone who is reading this, please forgive me. Forgive me for being selfish. Forgive me for forgetting what it means to love through this digital medium by sharing story, asking questions and hopefully illustrating something that inspires you.

I am in a season of waiting.

In 2009, my wife and I had the honour of adopting our oldest son, Cannon. It was a process that we were told may not even happen...and yet it did. It was a process that seem overwhelming at times...and yet we were determined. It is something that has changed my life for the better, and I will always be grateful for that.

Fast forward 6 years and we find ourselves in a similar space yet again. Today we wait. We wait for a phone call that will once again change our lives for the better. But friends, I must say, there is pain in the waiting. Questions of what if, what's next, when will it happen and more can become all consuming when perspective is lost in the moment. It hurts to wait. Are we not good enough? Have we missed our opportunity? Did we forget something along the way?

I am learning that the wait and the pain are actually a gift. Perverse as it might seem, I realize that I and my pain produced by waiting are becoming friends, not because we have chosen one another, but because we are in the last 2 people on the planet type of scenario. It's me and my pain, alone. Sometimes in the dark, but always searching for the light. It's a space that is difficult to explain, but familiar to those who have experienced the emptiness of a season of waiting.

So, if that's where you are I want to inspire you. You are not alone. There are others who have found a way through the pain that waiting can bring. It's true, not all seasons of waiting are the same, and neither is the pain that they bring. Waiting for a loved one to pass is much different than waiting for a long lost friend to finally come home for a visit. Find the courage and strength to identify with what may be similar while never forget what is truly different.

Wait, friends. Wait, even when it hurts. At some point in the not so distant future the season will come to a close and with it will be a new set of opportunities, hopes and dreams...and the perspective on the season of waiting you just went through.

When Options Become King

I had the opportunity to share with a local church community this summer about the complexity of living in an option filled society. Take a listen and share your thoughts with me!!

Listen now

Feeling out grown

Transitions in life can often lead us to feeling out-grown in some sense.

I was chatting with a friend of mine who is an educator. As another semester comes to a close, we chatted about the tough reality that many of the students this person had grown close to would be leaving the school and pursuing other opportunities outside of this person's direct influence. As my friend shared with me, I was reminder that this is a season of transition, and this transition is actually a form of grief.

When a transition occurs there is a grieving that takes place. And grief is an invitation to these 3 things:

1. Observe - Every transition provides the opportunity to see things from a different perspective. While one trend is ceasing to continue, another potentially emerges. In the example with my friend, their influence in the role of primary educator and influencer was morphing into more of a post-educator mentor type reality. Sure, the students under their care wouldn't be viewing them with the same perspective any longer, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the influence one has had in their lives comes to an end...it just changes.

2. Reflect - What does this all mean? A transition has happened. It changes the way you see something, but it also invites you to rediscover the purpose behind the transition. In the instance of the above conversation I had with my friend, there is the emerging opportunity to see how the influence they once had shifts and changes to become something greater than what they might have originally anticipated. Reflection helps us uncover how we feel about what we are experiencing. It's okay to be sad, or happy or any number of things. Human beings were created to feel. Our emotions allow us to create connections (positive and negative) with people and experiences. Emotions weren't designed to rule us; they are a gift meant to help us discover what it means to really live.

3. Remember - To remember is to celebrate. All forms of transition and grief help us to remember what is worth celebrating. This could mean some sort of achievement, memory, experience, taste, sight, sound or more! The remembering phase moves to celebration over time. Like when a teacher sees their former student become a person of integrity and great leader.

When you face a season of transition can you pay attention to what you observe, how it makes you reflect and what it causes you to remember?

Are you IN or OUT?

This is perhaps one of the most talked about questions in all of Christianity.

Throughout the history of humanity, humans have been preoccupied with hierarchy. We've wanted to establish who we are or who we aren't based on comparison. Sometimes this may have been considered a necessary development, and at other times it had some of the most devastating consequences to human life that have ever been recorded (you've heard of genocide, right?).

I wonder if this is question that we even need to be asking.

I have three kids, and I can tell you firsthand that each one of them is unique, special and crazy in their own way. And they all are driven by the question of who they are to me (or more specifically their mom...she's #1 in our house by far!!). There are times when they use comparison to see which of them is "better" in my eyes. From a parent's perspective, it's a silly exercise because they are all important to me. But from their perspective it is seemingly the most important question they can have answered.

I wonder if this might be what God feels or thinks when His kids try to figure out which is the "best" in His eyes?

It's got me thinking...what if I spent less time trying to figure this out and more time loving people the way Jesus did. Maybe it starts with things like this:

1. Listening first. I can't tell you how many times I've made the mistake of talking too much. I've  said something without thinking, betrayed a friend's confidence and hurt those I love with my words. I know it's tough to be silent when we are excited about a particular subject...and nothing excites me more than talking about Jesus! But what I've learned is that by demonstrating the willingness to listen, I not only earn the right to be heard, but I've also begun introducing people to Jesus without a single word. Our world is full of noise and distraction. Give the gift of undivided attention through listening and see what sort of conversations you get invited into as a result.

2. Being open minded. I'm a passionate sports fan. I can argue for days how my team of choice is better than your team of choice. The problem is when I let this type of passion taint the way I share my faith. Please don't misunderstand me. I believe that Jesus offers the ONLY version of life of this planet (and beyond) that is worth living. But I also know that sometimes my passion and zeal can be forceful and coercive instead of inviting and challenging (in the positive sense).

Try something different in the conversations you find yourself in. Be open minded...be willing to hear different perspectives. If you believe like I do that Jesus offers the best version of life, then please remember that all arguments that have ever been constructed have already been won (remember the words of Jesus on the cross - "it is finished").

3. Praying with hopefulness. There is a lot of differing conversation in the church word about different strategies to engage and connect with people. Two of the most popular buzz words in these conversation are the words attractional and missional. An attractional strategy focuses on putting the best foot forward so that people on the "outside" looking in would be attracted to what is going on. A missional strategy focuses on meeting people where they are at (meeting needs and having conversations). The conversation usually unfolds as to which strategy is the better one to pursue. Regardless of your personal opinion related to this conversation, the truth is that unless hope permeates how you act, think and pray all your activity is meaningless. Imagine with me what the world could look like if more people discovered hope in the ordinary and plain things that life sometimes offers.


Being in or out really isn't something I want to focus on anymore. I want to love people like Jesus did. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think if I can do that well the rest will take care of itself. What do you think?

Belonging

It's a basic need that every human being longs for...a place to belong. This past summer, I was able to share a talk with a local church here in Calgary about this subject. Take a listen. How are you being inspired to create connection for those around you?

The Passover

I'm a young leader...ok...youngish. I've had the great opportunity to get to know hundreds of different young leaders over the years, and there is a common trait that most of us seem to share.

A desire to be noticed.

Whether it's working inside a church, with a missions organization or in the corporate world, young emerging leaders want to be seen, recognized and given the opportunity to lead.

So being the kind of guy that I am, I asked the question why? And here's what I've discover:

We young leaders are afraid.

 We are afraid that we won't be seen, we may not be noticed and we may not get the chance to lead. We're afraid that at the end of our lives, we may have just been passed over. If we were really honest with ourselves, we might find the courage to not only recognize our fear, but figure out a way to combat it.

What If?

So what if we decided to be something other than afraid? What could that look like and what would it take? Here are three things I've begun to identify as growth areas for me as a young (ish) leader:

1. Humility - it's not all about me. The true measure of a faithful follower of Jesus, regardless of the setting or context, is not about personal development...it's about kingdom development. When my motivation is to make sure that "my gifts are being used" or "my voice is being heard" I might actually be in the business of self-promotion. And if I am, I'm counteracting the work of Jesus. A wise leader is a humble leader. If we would humble ourselves and pray, what would God do in us and through us?

2. Patience - timing is everything. It's supposed to take 40 weeks of gestation for a human being to be grown (sometimes shorter, and other times longer). It takes time for crops to grow in a field. It takes time for young leaders to be recognized for their character, competence and commitment. There are no short cuts to influence. Being on stage with thousands of people tuning in to what you have to say doesn't instantaneously make you relevant. If you want to be seen, stay in the game longer than you think is possible. Embrace the internal and external tension, it might just be a gift God is giving to you for a reason. The solution may not be running out to start a brand new hip church...it actually might be to weather the storm so that perseverance can develop the character God desperately wants you to obtain.

3. Grace - no one is perfect. Sometimes all we are meant to learn from leaders who have gone before us is how not to lead. And sometimes we need to learn how to forgive and to forget. What if we took the time to think the best about others instead of the worst? How might our conversations about the people who "don't see us" change if we see them with the eyes of grace instead of the eyes of frustration?

So what about you? Where are you at as a leader? Are you young and wanting to be noticed, or are you in a position to identify and develop the emerging leaders around you? What will your leadership legacy be? Let's choose not to be afraid of The Passover...we're not even certain it's actually going to happen, are we?

To Honour and to Lead

There is a tension that young leaders face. We think we know it all. Our minds are chalked full of great ideas, visions for the future, and the sometimes delusional thinking that we can achieve the impossible. And in our vigour and intentionality we lead out hoping that by sheer will and determination our current reality will change.

(to read more about other leadership tensions, this is a blog post I wrote for the Youth Cartel).

But there is often times something standing in the way that we have failed to be aware of...tradition.

I know that tradition can be a curse word in today's post-Christian, trans-modern and flexible culture. Young folks sometimes cringe when they hear someone who is older than them talk about what they used to do back in the "good-old-days."

There is, however, something true about tradition. 

Tradition has helped to shape both expectancy and culture. The customs, rituals, experiences and values that have been conceived in the form of tradition have created a perception about the past, the present and the future. To change the perception towards the present or the future requires the willingness to honour tradition and a determination to lead towards a new future.

There are 3 ways young leaders can honour the tradition of the culture so they can lead towards the future:

1. Know the history - Every community has a story. Knowing the history of what went well, what went poorly and the lessons learned along the way will provide a young leader with the posture of honour & respect. Arrogance is death to a young leader. Demonstrate a willingness to learn by uncovering the story of the organization you serve with.
2. Celebrate the good in everyone - A friend of mine once said, "You always remember the past more fondly or more poorly than what it really was." It can be true that we humans have a tendency to sensationalize the past in a more favourable light when it suits us. However, it also must be said that there are amazing things that have taken shape before our arrival that are worth celebrating. Discover these historical moments for your community and be intentional on how you celebrate them. Honouring tradition in this way will give you the credibility to help shape the future history of your organization or community.
3. Contextualize your vision for the future - Use common language. If a 6 year old doesn't understand it, a 90 year old won't find it fascinating. Speak in terms that can be easily understood. Is it compelling? Is it memorable? If the answer is no to one or both of these questions then you've got some work to do. Be creative. Find ways to make it stick. Borrow language from other thinkers. You don't have to dream something up out of thin air. Pray, listen & test the language you'd like to use.

To honour and to lead. Two habits of a highly effective young leader.