The Passover

I'm a young leader...ok...youngish. I've had the great opportunity to get to know hundreds of different young leaders over the years, and there is a common trait that most of us seem to share.

A desire to be noticed.

Whether it's working inside a church, with a missions organization or in the corporate world, young emerging leaders want to be seen, recognized and given the opportunity to lead.

So being the kind of guy that I am, I asked the question why? And here's what I've discover:

We young leaders are afraid.

 We are afraid that we won't be seen, we may not be noticed and we may not get the chance to lead. We're afraid that at the end of our lives, we may have just been passed over. If we were really honest with ourselves, we might find the courage to not only recognize our fear, but figure out a way to combat it.

What If?

So what if we decided to be something other than afraid? What could that look like and what would it take? Here are three things I've begun to identify as growth areas for me as a young (ish) leader:

1. Humility - it's not all about me. The true measure of a faithful follower of Jesus, regardless of the setting or context, is not about personal development...it's about kingdom development. When my motivation is to make sure that "my gifts are being used" or "my voice is being heard" I might actually be in the business of self-promotion. And if I am, I'm counteracting the work of Jesus. A wise leader is a humble leader. If we would humble ourselves and pray, what would God do in us and through us?

2. Patience - timing is everything. It's supposed to take 40 weeks of gestation for a human being to be grown (sometimes shorter, and other times longer). It takes time for crops to grow in a field. It takes time for young leaders to be recognized for their character, competence and commitment. There are no short cuts to influence. Being on stage with thousands of people tuning in to what you have to say doesn't instantaneously make you relevant. If you want to be seen, stay in the game longer than you think is possible. Embrace the internal and external tension, it might just be a gift God is giving to you for a reason. The solution may not be running out to start a brand new hip church...it actually might be to weather the storm so that perseverance can develop the character God desperately wants you to obtain.

3. Grace - no one is perfect. Sometimes all we are meant to learn from leaders who have gone before us is how not to lead. And sometimes we need to learn how to forgive and to forget. What if we took the time to think the best about others instead of the worst? How might our conversations about the people who "don't see us" change if we see them with the eyes of grace instead of the eyes of frustration?

So what about you? Where are you at as a leader? Are you young and wanting to be noticed, or are you in a position to identify and develop the emerging leaders around you? What will your leadership legacy be? Let's choose not to be afraid of The Passover...we're not even certain it's actually going to happen, are we?

#HowtoDad

I stumbled across this bold commercial that reframes the stereotypical Hollywood idiot dad in a brand new, restored light.

Who are the dads in your sphere of influence who need a little encouragement? Enjoy!!

(PS...I'm not endorsing Peanut Butter Cheerios, I'm celebrating the restoration of the champion dad image)

All Kinds of Dads

What is a dad? Have you ever stopped to ask yourself this question? There are all kinds of dads in our world: foster dads, adoptive dads, bio-dads, step-dads, spiritual dads, wanna be dads and mentoring type dads (to name a few).

Dads come in all shapes, colours and sizes. Some are tall; some are small; some may be more round in stature, while others may be more lean. So why is it that sometimes we all wish dads would be something that they are incapable of being? The Perfect Dad.

Hollywood hasn't done us any favours in this regard. The dads depicted on television and in the movies are usually one of two types of extremes - negligent (Homer Simpson) or hyper-active (Liam Neeson in the Taken films). As we soak in the messages we are receiving about what a dad should or could be like, we begin to compare our own dad to what we've experience in the realm of conjured fantasy we call entertainment and we are often left uttering the phrase: I wish my dad was more like...

What if we shifted our focus away from the impossible search of the perfect dad and instead embraced the simple concept of the good-enough dad?

I realize the words "good-enough" scare some folks. Some people see them and interpret that there is a lack of effort being given to a particular task. Others may hear "good-enough" and understand that what is being shared is no longer a priority.

Let's you and I commit to something here. Call it a restoration of language. Good means just that, good. And enough tends to mean full, or a limit of some kind. So a good-enough dad is a dad that is full and good. This full and good type of dad is unique, because every person contains a different proportion of being full. For some dads a full experience is being incredibly intentional in spending time with their children through a variety of ways. For other dads, being full is working multiple jobs to provide for their families. What I'm saying here is that good-enough becomes more a relative term than an absolute standard for all dads to achieve.

When we take our focus off the idea that dads can be perfect, and instead allow them to be who they have been created to be by pursuing a good-enough dad like strategy, I wonder if we would be able to celebrate who the dads in our lives are instead of who these dads aren't a little more intentionally?


YOUR STORY

I don't pretend to know your story at all. Maybe your personal experience with your dad hasn't been the greatest. It's true that our experiences with the people in our lives do shape us, but they do not have to define us. Can you celebrate your dad (remember, there are lots of different types of dads) for being good-enough, or are you still holding out for the perfect dad experience?

If you are a dad, take time to be the best version of you. This will mean something different for every single dad on the planet. Discover how you are wired, lean into your uniqueness and allow who you are to help shape those around you in a positive way.

There are all different kinds of dads out there and we need them all. Be you. Because you is awesome.

Video Interview with my friend Phil

Phil is a youth ministry worker who is passionate about Canada, intergenerational ministry, youth and the Toronto Maple Leafs! Listen to a conversation between Phil and I as we chat about Canadian youth ministry trends, what we love about Canada and what we hope every Canadian Youth Worker would know about their ministry.

Transitions

It's grad season. Students are preparing for life post-university, post high school, post jr. high or post elementary. Each transition brings with it a series of new opportunities, questions, hopes and dreams. In these seasons where we may ask 'what now' how do we respond? This is a video some friends of mine helped produce in an attempt to generate spark life in the midst of transitions. Enjoy!

Youth Ministry chat with my friend Grover Bradford

Grover Bradford is a Canadian Youth Ministry legend. He possesses over 20 years of ministry experience with missional agencies and the local church. Listen to our conversation about the current and future state of youth ministry in Canada and join the conversation!

3 Ways to Destroy Connection

Two weeks ago I wrote about the necessity youth workers face to create environments where students find a place to belong and someone that believes in them. Last week in a video interview with Mark Oestricher, he mentioned that teens are being driven by their desire to belong to connect as their foremost filter through which they create their connections.

If we agree that creating space to belong is important, are there habits and elements that erode or destroy these connections?

1. Humiliation - No one likes to be the focal point of jokes on a regular basis. When students make mistakes do we ridicule them in some way? Do we parade them in front of their peers and ask them to apologize? Do we use them as an illustration in our next youth talk to "inspire" their peers to choose differently?

Jesus met with a Samaritan woman at a well. (Read more here). As he interacted with her, he challenged her towards a hope-filled life but he didn't humiliate her in the process. We all make mistakes. We are all sinners. When we humiliate someone we alienate him or her from community and cause they to question their sense of belonging. What would our youth ministries look like if we instead responded with love and grace while avoiding the seductive nature of humiliation?

2. Condemnation - When we focus on behaviour more than identity, we tell a student that who they are is less important than what they do. Character is reflected by our actions, that's true, but activity void of deep connectivity to a set of values that govern our decision making process is empty and really does not have any formative connection to character.

What if instead of focusing on a list of do's & don'ts, we focused on living into a rhythm of life filled with hope, joy, compassion, kindness, gentleness, patience & self-control? What if instead of hearing how bad we are we focus on how great our God is and how amazing His design for life really is? I don't know about you, but I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough to do something because of what I've done and need to be inspired to live life despite my past, present or future mistakes. Perhaps teens are longing for a sense of mission beyond sin management similar to what we as leaders may be craving?

3. Lack of Invitation - When we expect students and families to get involved in the experiences we create instead of taking the time to invite them into the creative process and the experience itself, the program becomes more important than the people. 

I've been learning a lot about this theme lately. What is success in invitation? Is it when the person responds to the invitation positively? Or is it simply the extension of the invitation? Jesus interacted with a young rich man and invited this man to become a disciple. The man chose not to respond positively to the invitation Jesus extended, so does that make this interaction a failure? I don't believe so. In this story we are shown that reality that not everyone will want to be a part of what we are doing and/or facilitating. If it is true that teens are desperately looking for a place to belong, if they are never invited to do so, how will it be possible for them to find it? Do our youth ministries need to reflect more of an invitational culture than one of expectancy?

Do you agree with these 3 ways we destroy connection? What would you add to this list and why is it important?

My friend who loves Canada

This past week I had the chance to interview a good friend of mine, Mark Oestricher, about youth ministry in Canada. As an American, Marko is able to provide a unique perspective that may somewhat surprise you coming from an American. Sit, listen, enjoy and please provide feedback!

Born this way

The resurgence of conversation about discipleship within the context of family and the church is an encouraging sign for both the present and the future of Christianity.

But I wonder if sometimes we create more confusion than clarity when we attempt to communicate our vision for the future. Do families and individuals simply hear that discipleship is yet another thing they have to try and fit into their already overcrowded calendar? What if we reframed the conversation about discipleship around the theme of intentionality and consistency, would that answer the question?

One of the more famous statements Jesus made is commonly known as the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20). Here are two ideas I’m discovering about these words of Jesus through a fresh lens.

1. Discipleship is more natural than we think.  Jesus frames the conversation about discipleship by simply uttering the phrase “go and make disciples.” What this tells us is a number of things. First of all, there is an expectancy that we will make disciples, meaning that our lives are meant to inspire others towards hope and a future. The way we live, how we talk, what we celebrate…all of these characteristics point to the hopefulness we are encouraged to represent. When your life is reflected in a mirror, does it point to hope or to something else?

The second element of truth in this phrase is that the idea of discipleship is what we humans were created to do. Now please understand that when I use the word discipleship I’m referring not only to making disciples, but also to living missionally and acting as an evangelist. A disciple is someone who follows Jesus. A person that follows Jesus must live missionally because Jesus is mission, and to be on mission with Jesus is to tell the story of who Jesus is through the way we act and speak. For too long these facets of Christianity may have been seen as antonyms with one another, but they are instead synonyms and function together in cohesive communion within each other. Whether we know it or not, we are in the business of discipling people. How we act, what we say, where we invest our lives…all of these elements express our discipling ways to those around us.

And finally, making disciples is an ongoing process that does not come to a static conclusion. Discipleship is an organic entanglement because people are both complex and simple. It’s true that shared basic needs shape humanity at the general level, but each person requires a unique invitation towards a hope-filled expression of life making the complexity of the discipleship process more diverse than uniform.


2. Intentionality and consistency.  If discipleship is a natural expression of human life, the intentionality and consistency behind that expression are of crucial significance.

Every human being engages in the formation of people (discipleship) consciously or unconsciously. Examining one’s intentions and desired outcomes in creating connections with others reveals the degree to which the individual is aware of his or her influence, significance and meaning.

Imagine if an entire generation of people understood that who they are matters and what they do with what the life they have been given makes a difference. How different would the world in which we live become?

We were born to create, born to connect and born to grow. Discipleship isn’t a fad; it’s a part of our original design. How are you inspiring the people around you to discover that they were born in this way?

Two keys to working with people

I recently returned from a cross-cultural experience with teens. Trips like these always provide students (and leaders) with valuable memories, opportunities for conversations, growth and potentially life-changing experiences.

This is one of many different trips that I've been a part of in the youth ministry world over the years. Each time I've travelled to a different country, experienced a different culture, or have simply taken the time to be present with a group of people I've noticed that there are two primary values (keys) that drive connection: a place to belong and someone who believes in you.

These values aren't limited to culture, context, age or gender. They simply exist because they speak to the core needs of humankind. So if these values happen to be the root motivators for connection, what does that mean for us as leaders who work with people? I'm not an expert in this material at all, but I would suggest there are some key shifts that may need to take place in the systems and communities we leaders create.

A place of belonging. There are numerous articles written by people who are much smarter than I am on this particular subject matter. Here is one of my favourites written by a friend of mine, Mr. Mark Oestricher.

The question that belonging answers is "where do I fit?" If the communities, activities and environments we help create answer this question for the people we hope to serve, then we are on to something. But, what if the reverse is actually true? What if the sub-culture we've created is based on something other than acceptance and love and polarises people rather than embraces them?

Can you believe different and still find connection with those around you? If we foster a place to belong we value and embody love ahead of anything else.


Someone who believes in you. Every single person who is in existence, has existed or will exist in the future needs someone who believes in them in their life. Someone who comes along and speaks hope and life into you at a dark place in life. Someone who has your best interest in mind in the way the speak to you and interact with you. Someone who isn't willing to see the dark side of our human nature overshadow the hopefulness of the image of God that exists in every human being.

Without someone who believes in us, we may never find the strength to persevere through tough times or the hope to carry on when things don't seem to make any sense. What if having someone that believes in us is a literal matter of life or death? No one can walk through life alone, nor should they believe the lie that says they have to. Do our ministry efforts foster a culture of belief and hopefulness through the exchange of respect, honour, love and admiration?


Do you agree with these two ideas? What would you add or subtract from this conversation?

Celebration - the role of the extended family

I grew up in a small town and what was unique about my childhood is that the majority of my extended family lived within 20 minutes of one another for these early formative years. We'd gather together regularly for special holidays, feasts and crazy family experiences.

At this young age I never really understood the value or privilege it was to share in these experiences. To be honest, there were times I didn't want to be a part of these experiences. I felt like too many people knew me for who I really was, and I wasn't sure if that would ever be enough for them.

Kind of sounds like what some people have to share about connecting with a community of faith, no?

As a father of three young children, I'm being inspired to return to the practice of celebration. There is great value when we support, protect and honour these shared experiences.


1. Support/Love - Families are designed to support and love each other. Both of these habits aren't always easy to create or achieve. There are internal and external pressures that affect the context families exist in. A family doesn't always represent a biological connection. Families are clusters of people of different ages who consistently commit to living out life together....families are meant to be people who love one another no matter what.

I long for my own children and for teens/leaders/parents under my influence of leadership to know that they matter. Do I shape the elements of my parenting and pastoring around the postures of love and support, or do I allow productivity and measurables dictate rhythm, pace or design?

2. Protect - Families are designed to protect each other. It's true that those who are closest to you have the most influence to harm or to help you. As an extended family, gathered around a set of values & principles (like a community of faith), do we fight for things that truly matter, or do we reserve our physical efforts to creating chaos within our familial connections? When people connect with your extending family (community of faith and/or ministry) do they understand that they are being welcomed into protection, or do they live in fear of being seen for who they really are?

Only one person ever lived a perfect life...Jesus. And we still found a way to make fun of him, hurt him, betray him while ultimately killing him. For the rest of us who are less than perfect, maybe we should invest our energy into developing health and growth in one another instead of always focusing on why we might be sick. Would people flourish if they knew they were worth fighting for?

3. Honour - Families honour each other. In my world, to honour means to celebrate. I honour those who are older than me because their lives have helped to shape the current reality that I benefit from. I celebrate my own kids because we all need people who believe in us and will cheer us on. Honouring doesn't infer that we completely agree with everything that has transpired over time, but it demonstrates that we are willing to overcome our differences and recognize that diversity isn't meant to polarize us, it's meant to inspire us. As leaders, parents and people, is our posture one that speaks to defiance, or one that speaks to celebration?


What other roles do you see an expression of the extended family playing in the lives of people?

Soul-Caring Habits

This post also appears on Canadian Youth Worker.

Much has been written and talked about regarding the necessity of youth workers caring for their own souls. This is a critical habit to develop. The truth is that unless you are tending to your own soul care, the ministry you are engaged in and serve with won't do it for you.

I've seen way too many friends and colleagues burnout in ministry because they neglected the health and development of their soul. And when burnout happens, it's more than just the individual that suffers. Their entire community bears the scars and wounds that soul neglect creates.

There are many different habits that can become soul-nourishing. Here are three of my top three:

1. Playing or listening to music. Music has the ability to lift, emote, transform and transcend situations and circumstances. In different seasons of my life I've been drawn to different genres to help restore my emotional capacity, or process the difficult nature of pending circumstances I was feeling. Songwriters like Adele and Ryan Tedder (and others) have the ability to translate their pain and joy into song in ways that help others process their own current reality in a fresh perspective. Even classical music can help with decompressing after a difficult day or conversation.

When you are feeling on edge, music can be a tool to help you recalibrate. Listening to or playing music can become a soul-nurturing habit.

2. Watching movies. Sometimes living into an unfolding story as seen on screen can provide you with the necessary processing time you need to tend to your soul health. Stories are powerful invitations to celebrate, create or hope. Movies can be springboards into hopeful perspectives and outlooks in leadership challenges. When a protagonist triumphs over evil, it can be a reminder that every leader faces challenges and can discover a way to work through them. When an antagonist becomes all-consuming, the viewer may be aware of his or her own ability to become the negative influence we seek to overcome in different seasons.

And sometimes you just need to laugh. Visually displayed humour can invite us into a 50,000 ft perspective of our own hardships or challenges while reminding us of what is really important...living life instead of simply managing it.

3. Creating conversation. We all need people we can talk to and confide it. Whether that is a spouse, close friends or a network of other youth workers, who are your allies in your foxhole? Do you have people you can be completely candid with, or are you always in the habit of keeping up appearances? Authenticity is the gateway to a healthy soul. It is absolutely critical for every leader to find fellow sojourners who support, uplift, pray for and challenge them. We weren't created for isolation, and we will not survive on our own. We need each other.


What have been your most healthy soul caring habits? What would you add to this list? 

Parents - Allies or Enemies?

This post is also featured on the Youth Cartel blog here and also on Canadian Youth Worker.

When I first started out in youth ministry I thought my role was to be everything a teen's parents could never be in their life. I focused on being edgy, cool, hip and of course up to speed on pop culture.

Then something happened. I myself became a parent.

So what was my new role as a youth worker going to be now that I was parent myself? Did this eliminate my identity as a hip, cool and with-it youth pastor?

The truth is, being a parent has enhanced my ability to both pastor and parent. Neither of these roles are mutually exclusive, but somehow they have blended together to help me reshape how I lead families in the present and into the future. Here are three things that I'm learning about working with parents in ministry.

1. Parents aren't the enemy. We've all had negative interaction with parents I'm sure, but these experiences don't make parents bad people. Parenting is the most difficult job on the planet. Add into the mix the explorative tendencies teens possess, and you get an emotionally charged scenario 9 times out of 10. Parents are passionate about their kids, and sometimes their passion is mis-communicated as anger, rage or displeasure. Wise youth leaders find ways to disarm emotionally charged confrontations and turn them into win-win scenarios for all parties. Parents sometimes just need someone to listen...just like teens do. I wonder if we spent more time listening to the stories and needs of parents if we'd build greater partnerships with them?

2. Parents need to be loved & valued too. If you're constantly told that you aren't doing a good job, wouldn't you begin to believe it? Most teens (like most human beings) have no problem telling people when things aren't working well for them, but when it comes to sharing encouragement, they might struggle to do so. Consider your next upcoming parents gathering. Spend a few moments encouraging and inspiring parents instead of asking them to change something they do right away, you might find that they are more willing to consider your ideas once you've spent some time listening to them.

3. Parents want to belong & fit in. Often times parents feel isolated in their parenting struggles or wins with their kids. The family schedule is usually oriented around that activities of the children. Parents often sacrifice their own desires and needs for socialization for the sake of their child's development. Are your parent connection times more about information being given, or relationships between parents being built? The most powerful gift you can ever offer another human being is to help them see that they aren't alone in life. Parents long to belong and fit someplace...is your ministry to families a place where they can do that? 

What are you learning about working with parents? Post your ideas below!

Leaders who are Different

This post also appears on the Youth Cartel blog.

There is no “one-size fits all” approach to leadership. There is an abundance of examples of rich diversity in nature marked by the sheer volume of unique species of plants, animals, fish, rock or foliage. And as diverse as creation is, leaders too are developed through different gifts, personalities, abilities and styles.

Here are four types of different leaders I’ve had the privilege of serving with:

1. The reluctant leader – I wrote about this at length here. A reluctant leader is someone who believes that they could be or should be doing something else. There are countless biblical examples of this leadership type. For this conversation, however, let’s refine our thoughts to the person of Moses.

Moses didn’t want to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.  He didn’t want to carry the burden of leadership while wandering in the desert. Moses was called by God to lead even though he wanted to live into a different calling.

We sometimes will work with leaders like this. It’s important for us to affirm their calling, while encouraging them to engage emotionally in the leadership opportunity they’ve been given.

2. The timid leader – Gideon is a prime example of a timid leader. Timid leaders question both their calling and their ability, and yet timid leaders are often times the most powerful and profound leaders of an organization. They spend a great deal of effort connecting relationally with those whom they are charged with leading because they are willing to earn the right to lead through relational connection.

Timid leaders are catalysts for relational depth in your community.

3. The headstrong leader – These leaders are intense. They push through obstacles and often times run over people in the process. Peter was this kind of leader. At times their intensity can be misdiagnosed as arrogance. Headstrong leaders have a clear picture of where they are going and are determined to get there.

Headstrong leaders need boundaries or they will run over everything in their path. Be firm, remind them of vision and set them up to succeed by allowing them to help lead your organization and community forward.

4. Systematic leader – Systematic leaders choose their path wisely. They calculate the pros and cons of any given leadership situation and have often thought through a variety of different solutions to a problem while others may still be attempting to describe what they problem is. One biblical case study for this type of leader is Joshua. Joshua learned how to bring a vision to life by leading the people of Israel into the promised land.

Systematic leaders can help you make wise decisions that may bring a larger vision into focus and/or into reality over time.

The reality is that each of us is a blend of these different leadership types, but we may possess a natural tendency or dominance towards one or two of these profiles. Think about your team of leaders. Which ones fit into which profile? Are there other types of leaders you would add to this list? What type of leader are you, and how does this shape how you lead?

What do you really value?

This post also appears on the Barefoot Ministries blog here.

What do you really value? In different seasons of life I’ve found this question to be both motivating and debilitating. As I’ve stared into the mirror and seen the reflection of how I have invested my time, resources, and abilities, I’ve experienced moments where my values are inspiring and moments where my values humble me because they are different from what I hoped them to be.

Life is a journey, filled with a sequence of highs and lows. Self-discovery is critically important for an individual, his or her family, and his or her broader community. The process of self-discovery begins with uncovering what our values really are.

Values, beliefs, and customs are directly related to tendencies, priorities, and actions. Objectively identifying how we behave will lead us to question why we do what we do. It is the determination of the why behind a particular behavior that leads us to discover what value drives our activity.

The sobering reality is that much of what we say we value actually differs from what our realistic, lived values tend to be. While it’s true that an external environment, perceived limitations, or uncontrollable circumstances contribute to the development of a set of values, personal choice and activity still bring a set of values to life.

Let’s look at the state of the North American church for a moment. Consumerism and democracy have shaped North American faith. As a result, people have a tendency to voice their individual opinions while searching to create (or consume) their own personal spiritual experiences. The resulting factor has been an elevation of personal spiritual development with the resulting diminishing value of a communal experience or expression. The question of, What do I get out of this? becomes more important than, What can we contribute to this?

Knowing what we value will help us redefine a vision for our present reality and our future hope. Values shape who we are and what we do. What do your values say about you?

New Year, New things?

I've never been one to sit down and generate a bunch of resolutions for a new year, which might surprise some of you. Yes, it is true that I'm somewhat of a hyper-active planner but there are some things that even a systems oriented guy like me don't really enjoy spending a lot of time thinking about!

Here's why I've never generate a list of new things to accomplish in a new year:

1. I'm usually on vacation as I usher in a new year. For the last 10 years or so, I've used the Christmas/New Year season to slow down, unplug and recharge. In other words, I like to attempt to shut my brain down for awhile. I discipline myself to attempt to live in the present alongside my family & friends and really enjoy what the season represents.

2. I don't like feeling pressured to come up with something. I don't mind working in an instance, high-driven environment. But I do like to plan on my own terms and in my own time frame. Just because someone else is coming up with something doesn't pressure me to do the same. While others may generate their resolutions out of habit, how many are simply living into the "monkey see, monkey do" imitation culture that is too prevalent in our world?

3. I need clarity. I take my faith and my life seriously. Both are gifts that I cherish. When I plan, I seek wisdom that only comes from God's revelation through the Bible, through creation and through Christ-like people that intersect with my life over time.


I've made plans and goals for 2014, but I hold them loosely and I'm willing to allow them to be changed, grown and re-directed as needed.

What about you? Have you planned new things for this new year? If so, how did you begin to plan towards these new things? If not, why not? Share your feedback with a comment, email or social media interaction.